Knot across the border


Knot across the border

It is said that love knows no bounds. It is strong enough to trespass manmade boundaries and limits. That is perhaps why people from India and Pakistan, nations entwined in a love-hate relationship for decades, continue to go ahead with the challenge of marrying each other. Braving countless hurdles, rules and difficulties, they continue to bridge the gap.

When I came across matrimonial ads from Pakistan in The Times of India in connection with Aman Ki Asha, I hoped, deep in my heart, that maybe doors were about to open which for years have been closed or partially opened.

I recalled the time I was preparing to say ‘yes’ to a proposal from a distant relative in India. I could see myself treading a not-so-smooth path. Given the continuous tensions between the two countries, my family feared India could never be the right destination for a Pakistani bride.

However, the occasional confidence-building measures between the two neighbours that included easing off the visa rules, more flights and possibility of reopening of the Karachi and Mumbai consulates provided glimmers of hope. I convinced myself that things would not be so bad. India after all is a neighbouring country, why all the fuss and apprehensions?

Like any other enthusiastic would-be-couple, my fianc’ and I thought, rather fantasised that ours could be a peace wedding, which could take place at Wagah border with the prime ministers of both countries in the guest list. We settled for a decent ceremony in Bangalore, my father’s ancestral city.

Before I could step into the rigmarole of routine life, and while I was still enjoying the initial days of my marriage, my visa neared its expiry. What really burst my bubble was that my husband had to go to Delhi to get it extended. Otherwise, I would be deported to Pakistan. Unwilling to trust any agent, off he went. He returned in a week with the extension. But this was just the beginning of a long journey for him.

In the days to come he had to run around the corridors of Vidhan Soudha (the seat of the state legislature of Karnataka); make umpteen trips to the police commissioner’s office; and visit the notary public and police stations (to obtain an affidavit stating I was not involved in any criminal activity). He had to run from pillar to post in order to fulfil the formalities needed to legalise the stay of his Pakistani wife through a long term visa. In the process, he often came across officers who were well aware of the hardships of Indo-Pak marriages. “Among millions of girls here in India, couldn’t you find one for yourself?” was a sarcastic remark he often heard.

There was no respite. The officers could do nothing to save him from this drudgery, nor could he withdraw from the task. All this was an ultimate test of patience. I must confess the challenging formalities brought us to the brink of despair. What kept us going was the thought that after all this work, I would acquire the long term visa and things would become easy.

Like others in this situation, my husband too soon realised he would have to grease not one but many palms in order to push the file to its next destination. If you fail to fuel this process, the file gets stashed away in the office clutter. Never to be touched until the poor applicants realise and follow prerequisites (remember there are always unwritten rules which keep the work going and officers happy) that can pave the path for them.

It was a day of much thanksgiving and celebration when I finally got the coveted long term visa, thanks to my husband’s hard work and the officers who guided and helped him. It was only after this breakthrough that I was able to visit Karachi, after a gap of two years, where my old parents were literally counting days to see me and my baby.

This story, rather ordeal, is repeated every time a Pakistani girl settles in India after marriage. Any Indian willing to exchange wedding vows with a girl from across the border must have nerves of steel and patience, and tolerance beyond ordinary limits.

Hurdles for Veer-Zara

The foremost issue that dissuades Indians and Pakistanis from marrying each is the visa problem. I have come across heartbreaking tales of Pakistani girls married in India, unable to return to their homeland for years. The process of acquiring a long term visa for non-Indian wives is difficult and can take a couple of years. Pakistanis fear that if they marry off their daughter to someone in India she will not be able to return to visit. Even sending daughters across halfway across the world, to the US or Canada, is considered better.

Becoming an Indian citizen is another uphill task which can easily take nearly a decade. But Pakistani wives in India face a complicated situation. As foreign nationals, they cannot move around freely in the city they have settled in. Travelling to another city too is a problem and they can’t work. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

No wonder Indo-Pak couples often settle in another country – in the Middle East, or countries which allow dual nationality like Canada or the USA. Unfortunately, there is no agreement on dual nationality between India and Pakistan.

In Pakistan, however, an Indian girl married to a Pakistan can get her nationality within a year if she chooses – or with good connections, even a couple of months.

The root cause of all these problems is the strained diplomatic ties between the two countries. Geographically they are so close but differences and distances are being created on other fronts.

Take the case of the Indian-born Sarah, now settled in Karachi with her Pakistani husband. When her father in Bangalore passed away, there were no flights between India because of the Kargil war. She had no choice but to travel via Dubai – involving more time and money.

Yet as the matrimonial ads show, people continue to build bridges between the countries through marriage. Their fervent prayer is: Let the governments sort out their differences without making it difficult for the people to get closer to each other. The hit Indian film Veer Zara highlighted this issue. The message resonates: let us not create impediments for all those Veers and Zaras who are living across the border.

– Shazman Shariff




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