By Zarminae Ansari
In school, we are more open, more vulnerable, more honest: we are not hardened, not bitter, and have fewer preconceived ideas. It is easier at that age to overcome prejudices we have grown up with. It becomes harder as we grow older to form meaningful friendships with people or to maintain relationships if you move away.
After moving to UAE’s desi melting pot, I found myself part of an amazing group of friends of all ages. Some of them were my parents’ friends, but were possibly younger at heart than me! Many of them were Indian.
Vinay Varma,
restauranteur
Among the first Indians I met in Abu Dhabi were Vinay and Neera Varma and their friend Raman Khanna. Vinay Varma, long time resident of the UAE had brought Indian and later Far Eastern cuisine to the desert with restaurants such as Chappan Bhog, Kwality, Royal Orchid, Coriander, Kebab and Curry. One always felt like part of the family with Neera Aunty’s wonderful chaats. Two years ago, a large contingent friends from Abu Dhabi attended his son’s fabulous wedding in India. Sadly, it was shortly after the Mumbai attacks and it was out of the question to travel to India from Pakistan.
Mr Varma did not have any Pakistani friends before moving to the UAE 41 years ago, but he did have many Muslim friends in India. “My first impression about Pakistanis never changed: the people I met were wonderful, good friends. True friendship that was never affected by religion or politics.
The most enjoyable part was watching cricket and hockey together. They were the same, and there were no surprises. Back in India, I always loved iftaris with my Muslim friends and looked forward to when I could enjoy the lavish feast at Iftar and seviyaan at Eid.
Reciprocally, there would be this excitement during diwali when they would come over. As a student in Meerut, I would go to my friend Javed Khan’s house to eat iftari, and then he would pocket the sweets on diwali,” he laughs. “The main thing was that they were good friends and we never felt the difference. It was the same with the Pakistanis in UAE.”
He said he has always wanted to visit Pakistan. “I was born in Rawalpindi at the Holy Family Hospital. I would love to go to Lahore, especially the famous Gowalmandi Food Street which I’ve heard is a resounding success with all the restoration work done there and the beautiful lighting at night. Being a foodie, that would be a learning experience and I’ve been speaking about having a food festival with a Pakistani friend, Anjum Rana, who has taken the art and food of the highways to a series of very successful Food Festivals in India called Khyber se Karachi Tak.”
Will Aman ki Asha have an impact? “I think they should have! It’s done with such sincerity and it’s good for all our people. I feel very positive about it!”
Raman Khanna, hospitality professional
Another dear friend and foodie, who went from Food and Beverage to Hotels and Hospitality always amazed us with his culinary skills, Raman Khanna had friends from Pakistan in Toronto and New York where he lived before moving to UAE.
“I did not have any first impression to start with. I believe there are good and bad people in every part of the world. Pakistanis are just people like us. They have the same concerns growing up, many of the traditions are same and they worry about the same things just like us.”
How about the asha for aman? “Every effort will make a difference. It is ignorance that creates hatred. When you learn more about each other you find that most assumptions about the other are baseless and a few bad apples keep using fear tactics and their version of religion as a basis for keeping people fearful of each other.”
Anjali Bhargava,
entrepreneur
Anjali and her husband, Sanjay were amongh the liveliest, most personable and also one of the most good-looking and gracious couples in Abu Dhabi. Anjali, who exports home fabrics to Canada, had Pakistani friends in the UK and Canada where she lived before moving to the UAE.
“The first impression was: gosh they are so much like us! The language was slightly different-straight out of Umrao Jaan (the first lot of Pakistani friends were Urdu-speaking). One was just oneself with them as we shared a similar sense of humour, and had similar issues with families, etc. To be honest, I did not have any preconceived notions so was not surprised.
I had Muslim friends at school and university and the Pakistanis had a lot in common with them. I noticed that most seem to follow customs a lot more than we (Indians) did. While they were very liberated with us, free speaking, and generally enjoying themselves, they were very different when they interacted with other Pakistanis (those with a different mindset).”
Aman Ki Asha? “Any initiative for peace between India and Pakistan is a movement in the right direction!”
Indu Sabharwal Mehta, entrepreneur
I met Indu socially, and worked with her later. She made work fun. She runs a diamond jewelry business, and heads the retail of handicrafts (sales & operations) at Kingdom of Dreams, Gurga. When I was in hospital after a difficult delivery, it was Indu, and another Indian friend Veenu Mali who visited me most often, cheering me up with flasks of masala chai.
“Meeting Pakistanis did change my preconceived ideas about them. I was amazed to see the similarities yet diversity in the cultures. I met some really good human beings, made some dear friends and this helped me change my perception of Pakistani women. To tell the truth, when I met you, I was initially wary, but after getting to know you it changed completely and I could relate to you even more than many Indians I knew, perhaps due to our US background.
I noticed the disparity between the various strata of Pakistanis I met. There are such learned and progressive Pakistanis who I have a lot of regard and respect for. But many of them, the moment they step into their homes (country) they all behave in a different manner, especially with women, which is a letdown.”
What does she think of Aman ki Asha? Indu thinks it will really make a difference. “But I strongly feel the whole thought process needs to change in the system in both countries starting top downwards. The commitment has to be there at all levels to let go of these differences and animosity.” Hear, hear!
Cross-border connections
While working on this article, I realised that each one of my Indian friends had deep connections across the border in Pakistan.
I wondered if it was those connections that made them want to connect with me and with Pakistanis in general, or made them favorably predisposed toward Pakistan. On the flip side, these severed ties could just as easily have been sublimated into antagonism, as they are, unfortunately in many cases.
While Vinay Varma drools for Gowalmandi, and is curious to go to the city of his birth, Rawalpindi, Raman Khanna wants to visit Murree and Multan. “My mother who was born in Pakistan always talks about Murree, and my grandmother always talked about their mango gardens in our ancestral home city of Multan.”
Anjali Bhargava’s mother was born in Lahore. “I would like to go there first, because of my mother, and the family house is still there”.
Indu Mehta would like to see the Lahore and Karachi “for obvious reasons. But most importantly, I would like to take my parents to their home town in District Jhelum (Jallalpur Keekna).”
With so much of goodwill, so many ties, so many memories that people will take to their graves, dear governments of Pakistan and India: “Milne DO”!
See Part I and Part II of this series in the Aman Ki Asha pages: Sholay & Kheer – http://bit.ly/aka-zm1 and Iftar with Puja – http://bit.ly/aka-zm2. Email: zarminae.ansari@ gmail.com
